What Do I Know

I am being completely honest when I say I don’t know much about anything. I don’t remember anything for very long. I don’t know random mind blowing facts about the universe.

And I wouldn’t say that I’m not smart, but I definitely wouldn’t say that I am brilliant.

Although the things I do know may seem few… I think it’ll have to do…

I don’t necessarily tend to share my religious beliefs all the time but today I am, so you can skip this post if you’d like but if you’d like to know what I know to be true then keep reading.

These past few weeks have been up and down, and a little crazy. Some days I do all my homework for the week, others I sleep too much, or I work 15 hours at BK.

#noregrets

But as I’ve reflected on it all it’s been pretty nice.

With that said I just wanted to let you know that God lives. And He loves us so much that He provided a way to free us from the bonds of sin.

He sent His son Jesus Christ to die for us. Christ knows our sorrows perfectly.

Even if you and I were to commit the same sin because the repercussions of that sin would effect us differently Christ suffered for that same sin twice and experienced our different pain, remorse and sorrow for that same exact sin.

I am just so grateful that our Savior was so willing to suffer and die for us so that we could be free.

Ha if you know me or my blogs at all you know that all I ever want is to be free.

Free of debt, of fear, of sadness, of responsibility, of sin. And through the Atonement we can be at peace.

Every day I wanna be better and through the Atonement I can be.

God lives. He loves us. Jesus is the Christ. And I just wanted to share this message with you. It’ll bring happiness to everyone that is in search of a greater meaning in their life.

I mean that’s what its done for me.

Late Night Rambles

Today I went to lunch with one of my very dear, and close friends of mine. She’s the best! (The one that got married in Portland, if you remember) 

And while we were at dinner naturally we ended up talking about my parents’ divorce. And for the past month I have been struggling with recent course of events. It’s just been really hard for me to accept.

It will sound nutty but it’s been “interesting” to experience the emotional roller coaster that I’ve been on. Some days I was really angry, and silently lashing out at everyone and everything. I was angry. Just. So. Angry. So much frustration. I had never been so upset, and I had never misdirected my anger towards God. 

The amount of sorrow that I’ve experienced put me at a loss for words. I wanted to cry, a lot. But crying only ever made me more angry, and it never seemed to help.

And of course I wanted to talk about it but I never wanted to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about it because my emotions were never the same. One day I’d feel a certain way while the next I would feel a different way.

For a time I found myself angry with God. Angry that this was happening, angry that my parents hadn’t made the best decisions that they could have through out their marriage, and angry that I wasn’t coming to terms with the situation.

All I wanted was peace. P E A C E. I wanted to be at peace with myself. I wanted to find comfort. But I didn’t want to ask God for that. I didn’t want to ask Him because I was angry. And I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was angry with God. How ridiculous would I sound? Who could I have told that wouldn’t think I was being unreasonable? Which I knew I was deliberately choosing not to pray for comfort,and choosing not to be happy.

But thankfully, God has placed the right people in my life that allowed me to find a safe place to confide my feelings. And they understood. 

Since then I’ve let go of my anger. I may have to make the decision everyday but by doing so I’ve been able to be happier and more at peace. 

I’ve realized that it isn’t God’s fault that my parents are deciding to handle their relationship the way that they are. It isn’t by God’s will that my parents get divorced. They still have their agency they are making the choices that they have thus far, and ’til the end it’ll always be their decision. 

I’m thankful for God’s patience. I’m thankful for His love, kindness, and mercy. God is so merciful. His mercy knows no bounds. He has continued to bless me through this difficult time even when He was fully aware of how angry I was with Him. I’m thankful that He knew I could and would come to terms with the situation. And I’ve been able to recognize the love He has for me is never ending by taking into account the blessings He’s bestowed upon me even when all I thought I wanted was to be alone. 

I know God lives. I know that He knows me. I know that He loves me. I know I am a daughter of God. I know I am imperfect. I know that I am flawed. I know that in alotta ways I could be considered the worst. I know that I have so much to work on. But I know that God has prepared the way for me to return to Him. I know that He sent His son to die for me. And I am so grateful for the Atonement. I’m so grateful that not only does it help the bad man become good it also helps the good man become better. 

I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true Gospel restored to the earth. I also know that I am the farthest perfect person there ever was, but I know that without a doubt I wouldn’t leave this Gospel for anything else. The blessings of this Gospel when we are obedient far out weigh the pleasures the world can offer us.

I normally don’t post stuff like this but it’s been on my mind so there we go.

 

The First 4 Years

1. That thing that happened in high school that pretty much changed your life forever

So naturally high school is the first 4 years that inevitably changed my life. Do I think that high school typically changes everyone’s life? Eh, I wouldn’t be so bold to say that…

I can say at the time I tried to justify most of, if not all, my actions in high school as a time of experimenting. Pushing the limits if you will. 

And with that said, it should be no surprise that I experienced many things in high school that seemed to play a large part in how my life has changed. It isn’t easy trying to just narrow it down to just one.

So here are some key events in high school that well I don’t go very long without looking back on..

1.) Freshmen year – My dad was deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan and I may or may not have been picked on by “friends” while he was away, I cried a lot that year for a lot of reasons

2.) Sophomore year – Stopped crying started smoking and drinking, I was tired of feeling defeated. Tired of crying. I was angry, and everybody knew it.

3.) Junior year – Got really sick landed myself in the hospital, low point. Probably one of the most significant things I’ve experienced. The change wasn’t immediate but today when I look back and start thinking I was really living life then; and that I’m missing out now.. it isn’t long ’til I see myself there and I’m reminded why I don’t live that way anymore.

4.) Senior year – So I might not have made any changes by this year but have you heard that quote that says, “I don’t make the same mistake twice….I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.” Yes, well that would be the theme for my SR year and even the few months following. But towards the end of my senior year my younger brother was struggling with some real life things. IE suicidal thoughts, and even attempting suicide. I won’t go into depth because my little brother’s life doesn’t need to be shared but his trials indirectly caused me to seek refuge… Didn’t know where or how to find it but I found myself here as an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that family’s can be together forever. I was and am willing to do everything/anything to be eligible of such a blessing.

So I guess that was the big thing that really changed my life forever.

Until tomorrow
XOXO 

I’m back from the dead!

So I’m back from the dead! Not that I died, but I’ve just been “busy” traveling, lazy from all the food I’ve been eating, and tired from staying up all night watching Disney movies.

But I have a lot on my mind so let’s just get going…

1.) Super grateful that I’ve done well this past fall semester. Traveling home for Christmas was a crazy drive. Thankfully I had my older brother there to keep me calm while driving. I was really nervous. Driving through Wyoming in snow and ice is kinda scary.. well for me at least.. and I’m just a baby.. 

2.) Actually being home.. has been weird to say the least. Remember when I said divorce sucks? Well that hasn’t changed, ha it still does… Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and I’m not saying my parents didn’t do their best to keep the peace while we’ve been home because they have. They actually haven’t fought this whole time, but then again they haven’t really done much talking either. And I’m not sure what would be worse. There’s that saying, “Worry when I stop fighting because that means I’ve stopped caring.” Actually.. I’m pretty sure that’s not how the saying goes at all but that’s the gist of it.. And it’s pretty heart breaking to see that your parents have entered a war where they don’t speak. I mean we haven’t spent any family time with everyone except for when we opened gifts and a few days later we tried to have lunch together.. Thank God for food otherwise we would’ve had to talk to each other ha Everything my parents say has a double meaning.. must be really hard to live that way.. I’m not mad at either of them, the main problem can’t possibly be blamed on one person alone. Father will blame mother for not being who he used to know, and Mother will blame father for not accepting who she is now. And we could all just blame pride and say that they just need to forgive each other and move forward but there are just so many things at play here that it couldn’t possibly play out that way. ‘Tis sad, Merry Christmas. Ha now that sounds bitter and maybe I am! Maybe I wanted to laugh a little more than I did this Christmas..

Dear Reader,

If you would like to redo Christmas for me that would be the very nicest thing anyone could ever do for me… this year.

Love, Amy

3.) Does it make me selfish that I’m thinking about redoing Christmas? Yes. It is. 

4.) I love my parents and I want them happy. And if they’re certain that separation is the answer then I may not support it and encourage them to reconsider but ultimately it’s their decision. I want to be involved, but how involved can a kid really be in their parents’ divorce without being a burden. Probably best to just get out of the way, and when everything is figured out I shouldn’t be affected in multiple ways just one, emotionally. Right? Because I don’t live with them, ha I pay a majority of my own bills and by majority I’m thinking all but insurance. IE Dental, and Health Insurance, I’d add car insurance but lucky me.. I still don’t have a car! haha

5.) At some point I need to make a real 2014 New Year Resolutions, ones that I can keep.. And I’ll make sure to blog about those soon…

6.) I would like a list of all the books I need to read this Winter Break, I never get to read as much as I’d like I always end up doing something else… IE eating, sleeping, sleeping, eating…

7.) I’ve gotta stop eating so much! I’m always H A N G R Y, it’s really not fair to those around me honestly..

8.) Back to relationships in general.. I’m not a Queen B with relationships but I was just thinking to myself last night.. that Man and wife are supposed to be equally yoked, they are supposed to get through the difficulties in life together, closer than they were before. Of course that’s easy for me to say because I’m not married, I don’t have kids, and I don’t have a real job. You guys I just don’t wanna ‘eff up my marriage 20 years after getting married… Not that I’m about to get married to anyone..

Hanging out with my mother this past week has been nice, she tells me how proud she is of me. That she never thought I’d make the changes that I have, she didn’t think that I would be as successful as I have been. She told me that she thinks I’ll go far in life. That I’ve got everything going for me. She thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread and hey! that’s the nicest thing my mother has ever, ever said to me. Sadly it ended with, “Now Jasmine, don’t be like your mother. -for a lot of reasons- but don’t be like mommy and just, just be careful who you marry.” 

Isn’t that sad? I’m half my father, you know. Which I had to remind her that I’m not all hers, without Daddy there’d be no me, no children.

We all make mistakes. I mean well duh…

Poor Daddy, he told me that it sucks being around someone who is disappointed in you. “She’s disappointed,” he said, “with everything I am.”

Honestly I just think there is a lot of resentment between the two of them. Like instead of resenting their kids for everything they don’t have they resent each other for everything they don’t have, didn’t do, and everything they might not get to do. 

I want my parents together.. I want them to grow old together. I wish they could remember what brought them together and why they’ve been holding on for so long.

But I guess if it’s past the point where that’s an option I guess I’ll have to be a big girl and keep doing what’s right. 

I hope one day when my parents meet someone new (heaven forbid, just kidding…) ha that I can manage to accept that. I hope that they both find happiness when this is all over. I hope that I can be a good example to them, to my family, I hope that I can be kind to both of them, I hope I can be able to console both of them, I want to be there for my parents like they have been for me… I don’t know how I’ll do that but I’m sure we’ll just figure it out as we go.

2014 New Year Resolution #1: Love more, tell people what they mean to me and mean it when I say it

Happy Holidays everyone, may your new year be the best you’ve ever had.

One Love
XOXO

She got married!

Weddings are such happy days. I love weddings. The couple getting married are happy, their families are happy, the people attending the wedding are happy. Everyone is just so happy.

This weekend I got the opportunity to go to one of my dearest friend’s wedding. She got sealed in the Portland, Oregon temple.

(You check out what temples are here)

But anyways I got to drive 12 hours with another good friend of mine to go and see our friend, Kayla, get married.

Now let me take a moment to tell you a little bit about Kayla …

I met her my first semester of college and we were roommates. This girl was loud, happy, funny, and beautiful. My first semester was the most fun I’d ever had! She became like my college “mother”. Ha, I’d call her mom. At the end of the semester I figured that we’d part ways and we wouldn’t keep in touch; because well that happens and I’d never done the college thing before so I kept my expectations low.

But we’ve been friends ever since.

We lived together for another semester and then she graduated.

We got the chance to really grow closer together during her last semester. We served together in our church callings and her faith strengthened mine.

I learned so much from her.

Kayla always had me wondering if I could be any better today than I was yesterday.

So anyways she had met her husband a long time ago, they basically grew up together. He served a mission during my first semester and  she’d write him, we all knew she loved him then but these things take time… so when he got back they continued to date… I got to spend some time getting to know him. And I don’t think I could have dreamed of a better man for her. Derek, her husband, is just a good man. Good in every sense of the word. Good to her in every way. And well, they are good together.

So one thing finally led to another and they got engaged.

Few months later they were ready to get married.

And like I said I went to the wedding.

My heart was filled with the love they had for each other and the love everyone had for them.

And besides them walking out of the temple after being sealed for time and all eternity, the toasts at the lunch-in were probably my second favorite part of the wedding, and spending a little bit of time with all the people that loved Kayla and Derek was just great.

It was just such a tender weekend. My heart was filled. Ha, still full.

I’m so grateful for my good friends, for their examples, for their happiness, for the kind acts of others, for good people, good food, good times, and good vibes.

Oh! and Portland was a pretty cool place as well… I did get to do some sight seeing, nothing too extensive ha and I also went shopping which was nice too

This weekend was just sweet in alotta ways.

I’m not saying it has to be soon, but I hope one day I get married too. Ha

Fall Favorites

AH. It’s Thursday. And let’s take a moment to talk about my favorite things…

1. Pumpkin themed food..
I.E. my roommate, Whitney, baked probably 598,437 loafs.. loaves? ..whatever.. loafs/loaves of pumpkin bread; some of them were under cooked but still good.. I mean I ate some

2. Haunted stuff..
I.E. the haunted straw maze was fun on Monday

3. Uh, my roommates in general.. usually 😉
Basically I live with some of the best people on campus.. except when they’re being THE worst

4. Puppies
I.E. My friend got a puppy from her husband for her birthday, men take notes ;), but he is the cutest lil’ guy ever. Sir Rupert is the cutest puppy and has made this week just so great.. He eats leaves and his legs are so short he rolls down hills when he’s trying to walk down haha 

5. Sarcastic Remarks
Thank you to everyone that will participate in sarcastic conversations with me.

6. Racist Jokes
WHY do I enjoy a good, harmless racist joke?? I don’t know. Judge me, slightly. We watched a Youtube video today in class and the guy said a racist joke and I LOL’d louder than everyone in the room *face palm* it wasn’t even that funny…  jk, yah it was..

7. The changing colors of the trees
Too bad I’m missing fall in Colorado… but Idaho is still pretty… just not as pretty

8. Boys that don’t mind telling me how pretty they think I am
That’s just nice. Thank you. 

9. Spandex and leggings
Thank you for not having a button or a zipper of any kind. &Thank you for your elastic waist band.

10. Sean T
For Insanity. It’s pretty insane and I’m pretty outta shape these days…

11. Warm weather this week
I haven’t needed a heavy coat of any kind! YAY!

12. The Spori Art Gallery on campus
Favorite place on campus.

13. Snap chat
Keeps me busy in between classes

14. My older brother
I wuve him, he’s the best.

15. Good music
The definition of what that means is of course up for discussion

16. Dancing
Preferably in my underwear, ask my roommates

17. My wittle sister and my baby brother
They aren’t really babies anymore but they’re funny and keep me laughing, usually

18. Blogging because when I don’t have anyone to talk to it keeps me busy.
I.E. right now

19. Fuzzy Blankets
They. are. my. favorite.

20. Parents
Their example makes me better.

21. Oh, oh! Being overly dramatic
I.E. “melting” into the floor when you don’t get what you want or when you don’t want to do something

22. This Gospel
It keeps me happy. Gives me a reason.

Now things I hate:

1. Diets
I’m on one now.. and it’s just so hard haha embarrassing

2. Low batteries
My laptop is dying.. ugh first world problems

I think that’s about it these days… 

Just feeling grateful today, I guess
Is it Thanksgiving, yet?

Call Me Ma

OKAY.. Gimme just a second to vent – since that’s what blogging is for…

It’s finals week. I’ve had a pretty easy semester and I thought that I wouldn’t have any real finals but I do. But I’m not panicking about anything just yet. I’m just so lazy these days I can barely wake up in time for class.. Also I eat tons of junk food everyday.. today I ate a pint of ice cream for dinner… Ugh I feel so unhealthy and really gross…I’ma have to hit the gym at this rate..

Also I had to get a storage unit today to.. well store my crap in for the 7 week break.. I didn’t like doing that. Probably because it made me feel like an adult and I like being an adult I just hate doing adult things… like paying bills, buying food, signing for storage units.

And what comes with being adult? Well adult relationships – which I’m not good at all the time… But that’s not important today.. Today is all about parenting. Because well… once you get into a healthy, happy, loving, adult romantic relationship you should get married, wait the appropriate amount of time you and your spouse think you should wait and then have babies. And having babies makes you a parent.

Parenting… I don’t think anyone wants to be a bad parent.. I know I don’t.. I think that we all want to be better parents than our parents were to us. Which could be an easy thing if your parents set the bar real’ low or really difficult if they did a pretty marvelous job.

Some people are just natural born nurturers and are totally ready to take on the parenting role at an early age; or they have the parenting role thrust upon them through unplanned pregnancies. I mean there are millions of scenarios.

Point is becoming a parent is a major part of the cycle of life. You’re born, raised, fall in love, get married, have babies, raise them, die. Haha well a’lil something like that I guess.

So besides it being a part of life who really benefits from having a baby?

Well for starters… You can come to understand God, you can come to better understand the sacrifice and love our Heavenly Father has for us by sending His only Begotten Son to Atone for us. (www.mormon.org)

Another thing is that we can better develop Christ like qualities. Like patience, sacrifice, love, selflessness, that kinda stuff

Okay so those are only two things but I think that when we have children and become parents they will teach us things that we never knew, or didn’t fully understand. Through parenting I think that we will be able to better ourselves and just grow into a better whoever we’re meant to be.

…Well I mean that’s what I think a purpose of parenting would be…

Anyways there are three different parenting styles:
1.) Authoritarian: You’re a dictator (dick-ta-tor). teehee, but basically you have high regulations with really harsh punishments. With this type of parenting the focus is on yourself, the parent, trying to maintain control and you’re constantly reminding your child that you are in charge.

2.) Permissive: You’re your child’s best buddy. You wanna know everything that’s going on in their life so you do all you can to be their bff but hardly ever manage to provide them with direction or correction when they need it. These parents tend to have large explosions when their child dismisses them when they do try to take control.

I.E. this one time my friend told her mother’s bf that her mother was having a different man over at night, my friend was like 12 but she knew what her mother was wrong, and when my friend did that her mother was so upset she left to another state to cool off. That’s an explosion. It was a rough night, but they got past it. And that friend of mine has grown up to be quite the young lady, shoutout to you baby girl I’m one proud mama! 😉 ❤

Point is: This type of parenting is definitely still placing the focus on the parent. It’s what the parent wants. They want to have a certain relationship with their child but dismiss vital facets of parenting in order to obtain that relationship – which btw the relationship isn’t as good as you think it’d be.

3.) Authoritative: Naturally this third option will be the best out of all of the available options. This is when the parent listens and corrects their children. They are clear but permeable. This is important. You have to listen to your children. You cannot provide them with accurate guidance if you are not listening to them. &They will be less likely to share things with you if they are afraid of consequences or if they don’t think that you’ll be listening.

When it comes to discipline, Popkin suggested progressive discipline:
> Begin with a polite request – followed by encouragement
> Use an “iMessage” to communicate
– Allows children to see how their actions affect others
> Firm Request
– Use sparingly, if you use them continuously they will begin to lose their validity.

Popkin really promoted active parenting. He said that as parents we are to prepare our children to survive and thrive in today’s world.

He suggested that each balanced teen should be taught and have:
> Courage
> Respect: Which can be taught by modeling respect to each other (between parent and teen)
> Responsibility: Choice and consequences
We should always allow the natural consequences of their choice do the teaching except when it’s:

• Too dangerous
• Too far into the future i.e. if your kid is in middle school and decides they’re dropping out and you let them.. so that they can deal with the consequences later.. uh it’ll be a long time before they actually deal with those consequences..
• Affects someone else

> Cooperation

Popkin also listed the 5 universal needs of people:
1.) Contact and Belonging: people will do crazy things to have this need met, it has a severe impact on our ability to live and thrive
> Parents should offer these things freely
> We all belong to important groups or have important friendships and there are things that we do in order to fit in and contribute
> If we aren’t contributing we don’t feel like we belong
2.) Power: We want to feel a sense control that’s natural, but we cannot control everyone. We can never control enough people to feel powerful.
3.) Protection: We all can become protective of those important/special to us. When someone becomes protective of us we feel a sense of belonging. I have people in my life that would never say the phrase, “I love you” but they’ve defended me while I’ve been hurt by someone else. &Sometimes that means a little more than, “I love you.” Actions have always spoken a little louder than words.
4.) Withdrawal: This is a hard one to explain, I know that I withdraw from situations that make me uncomfortable.. I think we all do. I mean I can have withdrawals from things, from people and their attention ha
5.) Challenge: We’re gonna be challenged. &The more that we are then the more we will grow.

While we discussed parenting a large topic we covered was the importance of not micro managing. If we are attending every tiny problem our teen is facing it is a form of disrespect. We must learn to distinguish between whose problem it is. Is it yours, as the parent, or is it theirs as the child?

When we are consistently doing for others what they can do for themselves they become dependent on us as well as grow to resent us.

Parenting will be a pretty large chapter of our life when we reach it. I hope that when I get to that point in my life I will be able to do the best that I can, and I’m just glad that I won’t have to do it on my own… Assuming that things go according to plan and I’ll have my husband by my side.

Monday Mornings

This past week was so busy. So much had to be done, and I thought about a lot

This morning I woke up 15 minutes before class, and I went to class lookin’ real’ rachet. I also forgot my laptop charger on my way out the door and ran back for it making me late for class. Then after class I forgot that I didn’t have my license. Then when I sat down to do my homework I remembered I didn’t have my ear phones. Now I’m left to my petty thoughts while I do my homework and well, boo.

But “It’s a beautiful day to save lives”, least that’s what Dr. Shepherd would say. And I’m not saving lives but it’s still a good day.  So with that said…

This past Thursday was the Fourth of July. And I love this country. To know that my grandparents immigrate to the United States of America to pave the way for my parents, and their siblings to achieve all that it is this country has to offer. To know that this country allowed them to build their own American Dream, to build their own legacy. I am so fortunate, privileged to be an American. I support our troops. My father ensures my safety, and my family’s by serving. He fights for us. I have experienced some of the toll it takes on a military family so that he may serve. I believe all of us should serve, perhaps not in a military branch but we all should contribute to this county to make it a better place.

For class we discussed fatherhood. I had to write a whole paper on it. I had to explain the relation between certain masculine ideals to the importance of becoming a father. But by the end of all the research basically it all tells us that all men are different. Which should be good news, to the women online. ;P The research only provided broad generalizations of men. Most research concluded that, “Because we have no measures of how men are conceptualizing fatherhood we cannot anticipate what the…importance of fatherhood should be.”

So is fatherhood important? Yes. Yes, it is. At least I would say so. Are all of us fortunate enough to experience a positive influence from our biological father? No, no we aren’t. Maybe in a perfect world, and if the men were perfect then we would.

But the world isn’t like that, shocker.

I don’t want to brag about how lucky I am to have the father that I do because well no one wants to hear about all my good fortune. But one thing I will say is that the way my father was raised contributed a lot to how he decided not to raise me. I think that is something to focus on. We all have different experiences when it comes to parents, and some may not be the flowers, rainbows, and sunshine like other peoples’. But we forgive them for their lack of whatever the hell it was they lacked and take note of what you will do and what you won’t because then you will be able to provide a better environment for your children.

We have two opportunities in this life to have a good family experience. The one you are born into and then the one you create. Make the most of it.

So after all the research that I’ve done and all the comparing that I’ve done I suppose the whole “what I learned and can apply to my own life” part would be that the qualities of a man I’d like as well as qualities in a relationship that I want were refined quite a bit.

And since I can I just make a list of what it is that I want:

• I want a strong man. Physically strong is important but it isn’t necessarily vital. I mean strong as in able to bear the responsibilities that come with being a husband and becoming a father.
• Someone smart. Intelligence is important and just as important is wisdom. Someone who can fix a leak, change the oil, take out the trash. He should be able to guide me, and help me make important decisions. All that manly stuff that men should know. Haha
• He’s gotta be caring. He’s gotta care about me and I’ve gotta know that. My dad never hesitated to tell me how much he loved me, and most of the time the occasion never called for it. He just told me.
• He has to be loving. He should be passionate about things. He should love hard. I mean he should love me hard 😉 , haha okay seriously though…
• He should be faithful. Faithful to God. Faithful to me. Faithful to his covenants. Faithful to his vows. Faithful to his promises. Faithful to our family. I know that’s a lot but these men exist. Maybe not to the highest level when you meet him but if its right he’ll become better, and so will you.
• He has to be able to provide. Provide for me, for our family, for himself. He has to take care of himself too. I know having a family can be a sacrifice, but we all know that if mother is happy then the home is happy. If mother is taking care of herself then she will be more able to enjoy the role of being a mother. I don’t think that it’s any different for a father.
• I want him to be involved with the family. I want him to be apart of the lives of my children. I don’t want him to work all the time with no play. Being involved with the children will allow them to know him. I want my kids to know their father. I know because of my good relationship with my father I’ve been shaped by that – in a positive way.
• I want us to be united in all our decisions. I want us to be able to express what we feel is important for our family and I want us to reach a consensus on how to proceed. – I know that that means there will be conflict and that there may be disagreements but if our values and goals are the same then as long as we reach them the conflict will be worth it when we get there.
• And before I forget!!! Which I kinda did forget.. is that he has to hilarious! He has to make me laugh, he has to make me giggle, he has to make me smile – I mean have you seen my smile?!! I have a really nice smile! I’m not gloating I’m just stating a fact… But seriously though he has to be funny and maybe more importantly he should probably think I’m funny. 🙂

I know I could go on, and babble about what I think is important for a man to be before I would marry him but that’s not all too important.Partly because I don’t want to get married but mostly because all women are different. And I’m sure if research were done on this kinda stuff they’d reach the same conclusion that all women are different and want different things therefore they wouldn’t be able to conclude what was important to women for a man to be.

One thing however is sure that whatever kind of person it is that you want, you have to become. I can’t expect all the attributes above but be nothing but a slob with no ambition just living at home, not showering, not living the kind of life where I could potentially meet the guy of my dreams. The not showering thing and not brushing your teeth thing is a little extreme I know.

I mean if I’m living a certain way naturally my definition of a decent man might change according to what’s currently available, but the definition of a good man in terms of society, or a good man as a whole does not vary on location. All men are different but the definition of a good man isn’t, least I don’t think so… Maybe that’s a false generalization.. But..

With all that in mind I think that something to ponder on is this: If they aren’t helping you dream bigger. Inspiring you to work harder. Motivating you to be better .. then perhaps you might not need them. Don’t let people “chill” in your life, their presence needs a purpose.

President Ezra Taft Benson once said, “One good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?”

Sometimes we can’t help who we fall in love with. But I know that whoever it is that we choose to be with must inspire us to be more than we think we are even capable of being.

Let us be more. We are God’s greatest creation, and there isn’t anything we cannot accomplish through Him.

And I know it isn’t Father’s Day, long past it. But the topic was Fatherhood so it’s fitting that I post a video clip about it.

&to my father – thank you for being more than you probably thought you could be. you raised me right, you did alright dad. xoxo

So life can get pretty hectic… & we all have to find a way to deal with our problems. And our problems can range from something petty like “the boy I like doesn’t like me and I just want him to like meeeeeeee!” (I deal with this all too often these days) to something a little more serious like achieving and maintaining financial stability (I deal with this, too) and I’ll be honest sometimes it feels like the petty boy problems are more difficult to deal with than the money issues.

How we deal is going to be different for everyone just like how our stressful situations are different.

Coping: is expending conscious efforts to solve personal and interpersonal problems, and seeking to master, minimize or tolerate stress or conflict.

Religion, writing, music, dancing, talking, singing, working, cutting, sex, drugs, alcohol these are just a few common coping skills that people engage in.

Clearly there are some coping skills that’re better than others, healthy coping skills should bring families closer together

Healthy coping skills can save a life.

I think that as we grow up and become more mature the ways we choose to cope will change – sometimes for the better but not always. And I’ll tell you why!

So once upon a time, not too long ago, I used poor coping skills to deal with my problems. Easy outs like sex, drugs, and lots of alcohol. These things didn’t really make my problems go away. They just helped me forget about them for a night or 3 and then I’d have to deal with my problems from the week as well as the consequences of my poor choices from the weekend. I wasn’t happy, at least not really. These things didn’t help solve my problems at home, or my social problems, didn’t help my relationship problems, and didn’t help me in the work place. They just made things worse.

Long story short I made a change, its been hard to change my lifestyle but it’s been two years and I definitely believe that I’ve become a better person. Sometimes I get a little down about who I used to be but then I remind myself not to dwell on my past, disappointments, or failures, because I can’t trip on something behind me. Same goes for you.

When you’re not using healthy coping skills it’s natural for depression and anxiety to set in. At least that’s what my professor says – but I mean what could he know? (just kidding.) 

Studies show that the most effective coping skill for traumatic events is changing what you value and the way you think about things. A positive attitude only leads to happiness, right? 

Speaking of happiness let’s change gears and talk about relationships…

Healthy relationships can also lead to happiness.

If it hasn’t become clear I’m a little afraid of committing, I have some theories as to why but we don’t have to diagnose it just yet.

But last week in class we tried to address the question, “When is it okay to quit a relationship? When is it okay to disengage?”

So first we tried to define relationship. There are tons of different types of relationships..

So the role of being a parent, caring as a parent we decided that if we can then we should do all that we can to be apart of our child’s life. The way we address the relationship may be different as time goes on but our interest shouldn’t change.

In this life our most difficult and stressful situations will be within our personal circle. Maintaining relationships isn’t easy, and I guess it isn’t really meant to be.

Maybe because relationships can get a little difficult I can’t get myself to commit for too long. I’m not saying I can’t do hard things, but look it’s gotta be worth it… It’s a personal problem, and to an extent I’m trying to work on it. Haha

I think that if the relationship isn’t fully functional, if it isn’t healthy, if it doesn’t allow you to grow together, if he doesn’t make you better, if he holds you back, if you find yourself giving up everything you’ve ever wanted just to keep him, then maybe you should reconsider – I mean not all of these things are deal breakers but they’re red flags.

I don’t know.. I mean I’m single in my 20’s,afraid of commitment, and taking a class about family relations, haha what does that tell you? Tells you I don’t know anything…

I mean I’ve really learned a lot about how to create a nourishing environment for relationships of all sorts. There are some things that just can’t be studied to develop a definite answer.

You can ask for advice, consult a professional, read a book, read a blog but.. disengaging at any point with anyone really is a personal choice.

That’s all I’ve got though..
Sweet dreams, until Sunday

All Cultures are Equally Valid, Right?

How do you answer such a question?

What is the best way to define valid?
In the dictionary it is defined as 1.) sound, well founded 2.) producing desired results 3.) authority

Well what is the purpose of family?
> Bring children into the world
> Teach Gospel Truths

And what defines culture?
I don’t think that color, race, or ethnicity particularly define someone’s culture. Sure, they play a part.. But someone who is white might say they live the life of a black man. Or a black man may say that he is a white man in a black man’s body… Totally controversial I know, I know.. But I hope you’re picking up what I’m putting down.

All cultures are different and therefore are of a different value to everyone. Of course we are all going to think a culture we aren’t familiar with to be a lil’ different from our own. Would we think it were wrong?

… I think when it comes to declaring whether a culture is right or wrong would say a few things about the culture you were raised in and much more about your character. An example would be in some cultures it is okay to practice forms of polygamy whereas here in the United States see it as a form of oppression. I don’t know if we have the right to proclaim one set of values to be better than another. I think if we start to intrude on other cultures we must do so with care. It would be hard to pass judgment on a culture that we don’t have a perfect understanding of, does that make sense? Honestly this makes me think of war. Which may be very extreme but when we, and by “we” I mean as a nation, intrude on certain conflicts outside of the States it may not always be the best decision. As we pass judgments onto others for how they were raised, who are we? We are just outsiders that think we are civilized. What defines “civilized”? I don’t think that I could give a definite yes or no for this question. What I value may be much different than what someone else may value; and who am I to tell them that they’re wrong because they were raised differently?

I think when it comes to these really controversial topics no one wants to sound ignorant, at least I don’t. I would never want to come across as uneducated, closed minded, or offensive.

But I that after reading Elder Oaks’ talk “The Gospel Culture” and attending class I think there I could change my answer. There are some aspects of different cultures that are better than others. An example Elder Oaks used was modesty. He said that Modesty was among the strengths of African culture. In comparison with how Americans tend dress which is not as modest. He also mentioned a negative cultural tradition in some parts of Africa where some African husbands believe it is the wife and children’s jobs to serve them. I think that these are perfect examples of good and bad cultural traditions because they are supported by the Gospel as to why they are good and why they are wrong. The culture of the Gospel promotes unity in the home where the mother and the father are equal. The Gospel also encourages the importance of modesty. Elder Oaks said that the culture of the Gospel comes from the Plan of Salvation, the commandments of God, as well as the teachings of the living prophets. By giving up our personal and family traditions that are contrary to the Gospel culture will strengthen us.

My professor said in class this past week that we have the responsibility to draft the best practices of different cultures to create our own. Which I think is fair to say… that way we are able to provide the best family experience, right? Now what would define a cultural practice as a good one? Well I think that if it’s what Elder Oaks said, not contrary to the Gospel culture.

I’m still developing my own conclusions about this whole thing, leave a comment with your thoughts!!