Monday Mornings

This past week was so busy. So much had to be done, and I thought about a lot

This morning I woke up 15 minutes before class, and I went to class lookin’ real’ rachet. I also forgot my laptop charger on my way out the door and ran back for it making me late for class. Then after class I forgot that I didn’t have my license. Then when I sat down to do my homework I remembered I didn’t have my ear phones. Now I’m left to my petty thoughts while I do my homework and well, boo.

But “It’s a beautiful day to save lives”, least that’s what Dr. Shepherd would say. And I’m not saving lives but it’s still a good day.  So with that said…

This past Thursday was the Fourth of July. And I love this country. To know that my grandparents immigrate to the United States of America to pave the way for my parents, and their siblings to achieve all that it is this country has to offer. To know that this country allowed them to build their own American Dream, to build their own legacy. I am so fortunate, privileged to be an American. I support our troops. My father ensures my safety, and my family’s by serving. He fights for us. I have experienced some of the toll it takes on a military family so that he may serve. I believe all of us should serve, perhaps not in a military branch but we all should contribute to this county to make it a better place.

For class we discussed fatherhood. I had to write a whole paper on it. I had to explain the relation between certain masculine ideals to the importance of becoming a father. But by the end of all the research basically it all tells us that all men are different. Which should be good news, to the women online. ;P The research only provided broad generalizations of men. Most research concluded that, “Because we have no measures of how men are conceptualizing fatherhood we cannot anticipate what the…importance of fatherhood should be.”

So is fatherhood important? Yes. Yes, it is. At least I would say so. Are all of us fortunate enough to experience a positive influence from our biological father? No, no we aren’t. Maybe in a perfect world, and if the men were perfect then we would.

But the world isn’t like that, shocker.

I don’t want to brag about how lucky I am to have the father that I do because well no one wants to hear about all my good fortune. But one thing I will say is that the way my father was raised contributed a lot to how he decided not to raise me. I think that is something to focus on. We all have different experiences when it comes to parents, and some may not be the flowers, rainbows, and sunshine like other peoples’. But we forgive them for their lack of whatever the hell it was they lacked and take note of what you will do and what you won’t because then you will be able to provide a better environment for your children.

We have two opportunities in this life to have a good family experience. The one you are born into and then the one you create. Make the most of it.

So after all the research that I’ve done and all the comparing that I’ve done I suppose the whole “what I learned and can apply to my own life” part would be that the qualities of a man I’d like as well as qualities in a relationship that I want were refined quite a bit.

And since I can I just make a list of what it is that I want:

  • I want a strong man. Physically strong is important but it isn’t necessarily vital. I mean strong as in able to bear the responsibilities that come with being a husband and becoming a father.
  • Someone smart. Intelligence is important and just as important is wisdom. Someone who can fix a leak, change the oil, take out the trash. He should be able to guide me, and help me make important decisions. All that manly stuff that men should know. Haha
  • He’s gotta be caring. He’s gotta care about me and I’ve gotta know that. My dad never hesitated to tell me how much he loved me, and most of the time the occasion never called for it. He just told me.
  • He has to be loving. He should be passionate about things. He should love hard. I mean he should love me hard 😉 , haha okay seriously though…
  • He should be faithful. Faithful to God. Faithful to me. Faithful to his covenants. Faithful to his vows. Faithful to his promises. Faithful to our family. I know that’s a lot but these men exist. Maybe not to the highest level when you meet him but if its right he’ll become better, and so will you.
  • He has to be able to provide. Provide for me, for our family, for himself. He has to take care of himself too. I know having a family can be a sacrifice, but we all know that if mother is happy then the home is happy. If mother is taking care of herself then she will be more able to enjoy the role of being a mother. I don’t think that it’s any different for a father.
  • I want him to be involved with the family. I want him to be apart of the lives of my children. I don’t want him to work all the time with no play. Being involved with the children will allow them to know him. I want my kids to know their father. I know because of my good relationship with my father I’ve been shaped by that – in a positive way.
  • I want us to be united in all our decisions. I want us to be able to express what we feel is important for our family and I want us to reach a consensus on how to proceed. – I know that that means there will be conflict and that there may be disagreements but if our values and goals are the same then as long as we reach them the conflict will be worth it when we get there.
  • And before I forget!!! Which I kinda did forget.. is that he has to hilarious! He has to make me laugh, he has to make me giggle, he has to make me smile – I mean have you seen my smile?!! I have a really nice smile! I’m not gloating I’m just stating a fact… But seriously though he has to be funny and maybe more importantly he should probably think I’m funny. 🙂

I know I could go on, and babble about what I think is important for a man to be before I would marry him but that’s not all too important.Partly because I don’t want to get married but mostly because all women are different. And I’m sure if research were done on this kinda stuff they’d reach the same conclusion that all women are different and want different things therefore they wouldn’t be able to conclude what was important to women for a man to be.

One thing however is sure that whatever kind of person it is that you want, you have to become. I can’t expect all the attributes above but be nothing but a slob with no ambition just living at home, not showering, not living the kind of life where I could potentially meet the guy of my dreams. The not showering thing and not brushing your teeth thing is a little extreme I know.

I mean if I’m living a certain way naturally my definition of a decent man might change according to what’s currently available, but the definition of a good man in terms of society, or a good man as a whole does not vary on location. All men are different but the definition of a good man isn’t, least I don’t think so… Maybe that’s a false generalization.. But..

With all that in mind I think that something to ponder on is this: If they aren’t helping you dream bigger. Inspiring you to work harder. Motivating you to be better .. then perhaps you might not need them. Don’t let people “chill” in your life, their presence needs a purpose.

President Ezra Taft Benson once said, “One good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?”

Sometimes we can’t help who we fall in love with. But I know that whoever it is that we choose to be with must inspire us to be more than we think we are even capable of being.

Let us be more. We are God’s greatest creation, and there isn’t anything we cannot accomplish through Him.

And I know it isn’t Father’s Day, long past it. But the topic was Fatherhood so it’s fitting that I post a video clip about it.

&to my father – thank you for being more than you probably thought you could be. you raised me right, you did alright dad. xoxo

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