So life can get pretty hectic… & we all have to find a way to deal with our problems. And our problems can range from something petty like “the boy I like doesn’t like me and I just want him to like meeeeeeee!” (I deal with this all too often these days) to something a little more serious like achieving and maintaining financial stability (I deal with this, too) and I’ll be honest sometimes it feels like the petty boy problems are more difficult to deal with than the money issues.
How we deal is going to be different for everyone just like how our stressful situations are different.
Coping: is expending conscious efforts to solve personal and interpersonal problems, and seeking to master, minimize or tolerate stress or conflict.
Religion, writing, music, dancing, talking, singing, working, cutting, sex, drugs, alcohol these are just a few common coping skills that people engage in.
Clearly there are some coping skills that’re better than others, healthy coping skills should bring families closer together
Healthy coping skills can save a life.
I think that as we grow up and become more mature the ways we choose to cope will change – sometimes for the better but not always. And I’ll tell you why!
So once upon a time, not too long ago, I used poor coping skills to deal with my problems. Easy outs like sex, drugs, and lots of alcohol. These things didn’t really make my problems go away. They just helped me forget about them for a night or 3 and then I’d have to deal with my problems from the week as well as the consequences of my poor choices from the weekend. I wasn’t happy, at least not really. These things didn’t help solve my problems at home, or my social problems, didn’t help my relationship problems, and didn’t help me in the work place. They just made things worse.
Long story short I made a change, its been hard to change my lifestyle but it’s been two years and I definitely believe that I’ve become a better person. Sometimes I get a little down about who I used to be but then I remind myself not to dwell on my past, disappointments, or failures, because I can’t trip on something behind me. Same goes for you.
When you’re not using healthy coping skills it’s natural for depression and anxiety to set in. At least that’s what my professor says – but I mean what could he know? (just kidding.)
Studies show that the most effective coping skill for traumatic events is changing what you value and the way you think about things. A positive attitude only leads to happiness, right?
Speaking of happiness let’s change gears and talk about relationships…
Healthy relationships can also lead to happiness.
If it hasn’t become clear I’m a little afraid of committing, I have some theories as to why but we don’t have to diagnose it just yet.
But last week in class we tried to address the question, “When is it okay to quit a relationship? When is it okay to disengage?”
So first we tried to define relationship. There are tons of different types of relationships..
So the role of being a parent, caring as a parent we decided that if we can then we should do all that we can to be apart of our child’s life. The way we address the relationship may be different as time goes on but our interest shouldn’t change.
In this life our most difficult and stressful situations will be within our personal circle. Maintaining relationships isn’t easy, and I guess it isn’t really meant to be.
Maybe because relationships can get a little difficult I can’t get myself to commit for too long. I’m not saying I can’t do hard things, but look it’s gotta be worth it… It’s a personal problem, and to an extent I’m trying to work on it. Haha
I think that if the relationship isn’t fully functional, if it isn’t healthy, if it doesn’t allow you to grow together, if he doesn’t make you better, if he holds you back, if you find yourself giving up everything you’ve ever wanted just to keep him, then maybe you should reconsider – I mean not all of these things are deal breakers but they’re red flags.
I don’t know.. I mean I’m single in my 20’s,afraid of commitment, and taking a class about family relations, haha what does that tell you? Tells you I don’t know anything…
I mean I’ve really learned a lot about how to create a nourishing environment for relationships of all sorts. There are some things that just can’t be studied to develop a definite answer.
You can ask for advice, consult a professional, read a book, read a blog but.. disengaging at any point with anyone really is a personal choice.
That’s all I’ve got though..
Sweet dreams, until Sunday