thoughts

2013 was like a bowl of cherries

Well since everyone I know has gone back to work and the puppy of mine has gone to take a well deserved nap… I’ve had some time to think..

Considering how it’s New Years Eve I have had quite the year, and I don’t think I ever thought this year would have gone the way it has…

At the beginning of 2013 I was working as a waitress, contemplating serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and trying to fill my time productively when I wasn’t working.

But this year I’ve made a lot of new discoveries about life, and about myself. 

I’ve discovered that I can change the qualities about myself that I don’t like. I’ve learned that I don’t have to settle for the way that I am because if I want to be better I know I can achieve that. 

I.E. wanting to be more sincere, patient, and kind towards others and myself… I haven’t mastered it but I know I’ve gotten better at it

I’ve learned that this life is like… a bowl of cherries.. preferably the dark ones because I like those best.. and sometimes you get so caught up in the deliciousness of life you choke on a pit.. and you’ll probably struggle or you might needa friend for the Heimlich maneuver but when it’s all said and done you’ll laugh about it later. 

Speaking of laughter… everyone knows that its been scientifically proven that laughing is good for you.

Discovery Channel says:

10: It Decreases Stress
9: It Helps Coping Skills
8: It Improves Blood Pressure and Flow
7: It Provides a Burst of Exercise
6: It Impacts Blood Sugar Levels
5: It Manages Pain
4: It Boosts Your Social Skills
3: It Reduces Aggression
2: It Energizes Organs
1: It Boosts the Immune System

My Point is.. Finding the humor in life and being able to laugh at it will only improve your life. And that’s all I have to say about that.

But I digress..

I’ve had some really, really, really wonderful and great laughs this year. I won’t lie and say this year has been nothing but fun, but this year has certainly been filled with good times.

I’ve done a lot of traveling this year as well, I’ve been so blessed to have had the opportunity to go to all the places I’ve gone to.. Although I’ve only traveled within the U.S this year I hope next year I’ll be able to take advantage of adventures outside the U.S.

I’ve been able to finish another year of school, and I did it with some of the best people around. 

I’ve made a lot of new friendships this year, and held on tight to others. I honestly know some of the best people, and don’t get me wrong I’m sure you do as well but I’m just saying I’m really grateful for the wonderful people I’ve been so blessed to come to know.

And this year I think I’d go as far as to say that I have no regrets! This year I had the chance to do everything I could’ve dreamed of doing!

General Conference, Two weddings, did great in school, dated, kissed a boy or two, sang, danced, and then danced some more, late nights, long drives, lots of fast food, cried, wept, moved into a new apartment, laughed, cried because I was laughing so hard, read books, watched too many movies, played in the snow, fell on the ice, played with puppies, told the right people that I loved them, said good-bye to others.

This year has been good to me. Sweet in every way, and I wouldn’t say that I’m bitter in any way. 

I hope you find the blessings of 2013 before it’s up. I also hope 2014 has nothing but good vibes, good times, with even better people for you and me.

 

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Going too far.

It’s been a minute and my head is full of things I’ve got to say.

So I’ll just post new posts until… it’s social unacceptable and then I’ll probably keep going.

Anyways I’m not quite sure how long ago it was but sometime during this month I went too far. And I mean like too far with a quite a bit of things really… And frankly I tend to do that a lot… I find that I love something and then I do it until well I’ve gone too far..

I’m not saying it’s always bad because it could definitely be a good thing in some cases… not that I’m about to try and justify it but point is I went too far.

So what do you do? What happens after you cross that invisible line you didn’t know was there or that you saw but ignored or that you crossed for just a split second for the story… but the story wasn’t even half as good as you thought it’d be…

How do you fix it?

Well I managed to fix it, not a big deal, no biggie, done and done, so do you have to tell people when you’ve gone too far? Can’t I just keep things to myself? Do I have to share my life with everyone?

Don’t get me wrong, this is all rhetorical and I don’t by any means think that anyone is judging me.. but would it be better if no one ever knew?

Does sharing secrets actually bring you closer with others or does it just… not?

I don’t know, the gloomy weather has put me in a rather pensive mood.

Are We Communicating?

“Is this us communicating? Because I don’t like it.” I feel this way 40% of the time and usually that 40% wins out and I turn life back into a joke because I’d much rather laugh about it then feel the way communicating can sometimes make me feel, and that’s uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Communication. I’m never as good at it as I think I am. Why? Because sometimes the right words get stuck and we don’t know how to convey what it is we mean.And then I feel dumb, and want to crawl into a hole – which I tend to do. A lot of women are this way, not just women but I’m just saying.

But communication is important, we have to use our words sometimes. More often than not, actually.

And more often than not we don’t say half the things we meant to say when we muster all we have and tell someone, “We have to talk.”

It’s uncomfortable, you’re heart is racing, you feel like you’re gonna break out in a cold sweat, or worse… cry. It’s a work out all its own. You feel vulnerable, you don’t know if you should call them, or if you could just text them, or maybe write a letter, perhaps an email, or if you should schedule an appointment to tell them how a situation is affecting you.

But you know that if you don’t say anything you’ll just end up screaming it at the top of your lungs into a pillow, and they’ll never know. No one will ever know. And if you tell someone you minus as well not tell anyone because if it isn’t the right person there isn’t much another person can do for you; except offer you temporary relief.

A little bit of communication can make all the difference.

A little confrontation never hurt anyone, and if it did well it just was a good searing. It didn’t kill you and it’ll probably made you better.

Talking about nothing all the time never really built a sustainable foundation for anyone. In class we talked about communication and how it’s important.What does it take to really know someone? When you know, fill me in because I’m still figuring that out.

In class we talked about how it’s important to have shared experiences with your significant other, and more specifically your spouse.

Even though you’re married and you experience difficult and stressful situations doesn’t mean that you both see it in the same light. And the other won’t know how you’re doing if you haven’t discussed how you’re feeling. Your spouse can’t care for you if they don’t know how a situation is hurting you. None of us can read minds. None of us will ever really know someone well enough to know exactly how they feel, we might have an idea but they could surprise you. People grow, and change every day and until you develop the ability to read someone’s thoughts and body language perfectly… It’d probably be in your best interest to ask them.. Because we all know that assumptions only make you look like an a-hole. Ha regardless of your intention and then you’ll have to apologize for being an a-hole when that’s exactly what you were trying to avoid.

Point is: Communication is important. No one knows how you feel, and sometimes you don’t even know. But when you do, I’d suggest you make an effort to convey that to someone, the right someone involved in the situation. And if they care, which most people do, they’ll listen and make an effort to understand what you’re trying to say.

People who care communicate. 😉

We covered so much in class this past week and I don’t have the heart.. and mostly the time to shove all of it into one post.. So I won’t!

The last two topics we covered last week were coping and “When is it ever okay to quit a relationship? When is it appropriate to disengage?” And I’ll get to them! But… I’ve got other homework to attend to, sorry not sorry.

Until next time!

Hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss, little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss.

In Love with Love

I’m not saying that you can learn about love in a class but it was interesting to have things that I’ve thought about be put in a book.

This week we have been discussing love. The meaning of love, when you fall in love, how a woman feels when she falls in love, how a man feels, how can you tell if it’s love, the experience of passionate love, how to measure love, the different kinds of lovers, how to go from passionate love to companionate love, the difference between loving and liking. WhewSo much to cover, it’s mind boiling. A lot of food for though really.

If you could see my notes for this class.. I just have random scribbles everywhere.

We talked about this guy John Van Epp and all his ideas. One of his ideas was the “Know-Quo” how well you know someone. The Quo consists of:
Talk – mutual self disclosure
Time – minimum of 3 months to begin to know someone & he suggested that dating for 1 to 2 years would provide for a more successful marriage
Togetherness – engaging in a wide range of activities together

John Van Epp talks about sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. It’s just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo interesting. This is what has been said about the bonding process in adult attachment:

People marry because they feel an overwhelming attachment of love; communication and conflict styles express and monitor attachment; intimacy, commitment, sex, trust and reliance are all components that produce attachment. 

Couples divorce because their experience of attachment has deteriorated; other couples reconcile because they rekindle attachment. 

Whew! That’s a lot to think about it isn’t it? I think it is, that’s why… that’s all I’ve got to say about what I’ve learned. 

Leave a comment! Let’s talk about it!

 

 

All Cultures are Equally Valid, Right?

How do you answer such a question?

What is the best way to define valid?
In the dictionary it is defined as 1.) sound, well founded 2.) producing desired results 3.) authority

Well what is the purpose of family?
> Bring children into the world
> Teach Gospel Truths

And what defines culture?
I don’t think that color, race, or ethnicity particularly define someone’s culture. Sure, they play a part.. But someone who is white might say they live the life of a black man. Or a black man may say that he is a white man in a black man’s body… Totally controversial I know, I know.. But I hope you’re picking up what I’m putting down.

All cultures are different and therefore are of a different value to everyone. Of course we are all going to think a culture we aren’t familiar with to be a lil’ different from our own. Would we think it were wrong?

… I think when it comes to declaring whether a culture is right or wrong would say a few things about the culture you were raised in and much more about your character. An example would be in some cultures it is okay to practice forms of polygamy whereas here in the United States see it as a form of oppression. I don’t know if we have the right to proclaim one set of values to be better than another. I think if we start to intrude on other cultures we must do so with care. It would be hard to pass judgment on a culture that we don’t have a perfect understanding of, does that make sense? Honestly this makes me think of war. Which may be very extreme but when we, and by “we” I mean as a nation, intrude on certain conflicts outside of the States it may not always be the best decision. As we pass judgments onto others for how they were raised, who are we? We are just outsiders that think we are civilized. What defines “civilized”? I don’t think that I could give a definite yes or no for this question. What I value may be much different than what someone else may value; and who am I to tell them that they’re wrong because they were raised differently?

I think when it comes to these really controversial topics no one wants to sound ignorant, at least I don’t. I would never want to come across as uneducated, closed minded, or offensive.

But I that after reading Elder Oaks’ talk “The Gospel Culture” and attending class I think there I could change my answer. There are some aspects of different cultures that are better than others. An example Elder Oaks used was modesty. He said that Modesty was among the strengths of African culture. In comparison with how Americans tend dress which is not as modest. He also mentioned a negative cultural tradition in some parts of Africa where some African husbands believe it is the wife and children’s jobs to serve them. I think that these are perfect examples of good and bad cultural traditions because they are supported by the Gospel as to why they are good and why they are wrong. The culture of the Gospel promotes unity in the home where the mother and the father are equal. The Gospel also encourages the importance of modesty. Elder Oaks said that the culture of the Gospel comes from the Plan of Salvation, the commandments of God, as well as the teachings of the living prophets. By giving up our personal and family traditions that are contrary to the Gospel culture will strengthen us.

My professor said in class this past week that we have the responsibility to draft the best practices of different cultures to create our own. Which I think is fair to say… that way we are able to provide the best family experience, right? Now what would define a cultural practice as a good one? Well I think that if it’s what Elder Oaks said, not contrary to the Gospel culture.

I’m still developing my own conclusions about this whole thing, leave a comment with your thoughts!!