Are We Communicating?

“Is this us communicating? Because I don’t like it.” I feel this way 40% of the time and usually that 40% wins out and I turn life back into a joke because I’d much rather laugh about it then feel the way communicating can sometimes make me feel, and that’s uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Communication. I’m never as good at it as I think I am. Why? Because sometimes the right words get stuck and we don’t know how to convey what it is we mean.And then I feel dumb, and want to crawl into a hole – which I tend to do. A lot of women are this way, not just women but I’m just saying.

But communication is important, we have to use our words sometimes. More often than not, actually.

And more often than not we don’t say half the things we meant to say when we muster all we have and tell someone, “We have to talk.”

It’s uncomfortable, you’re heart is racing, you feel like you’re gonna break out in a cold sweat, or worse… cry. It’s a work out all its own. You feel vulnerable, you don’t know if you should call them, or if you could just text them, or maybe write a letter, perhaps an email, or if you should schedule an appointment to tell them how a situation is affecting you.

But you know that if you don’t say anything you’ll just end up screaming it at the top of your lungs into a pillow, and they’ll never know. No one will ever know. And if you tell someone you minus as well not tell anyone because if it isn’t the right person there isn’t much another person can do for you; except offer you temporary relief.

A little bit of communication can make all the difference.

A little confrontation never hurt anyone, and if it did well it just was a good searing. It didn’t kill you and it’ll probably made you better.

Talking about nothing all the time never really built a sustainable foundation for anyone. In class we talked about communication and how it’s important.What does it take to really know someone? When you know, fill me in because I’m still figuring that out.

In class we talked about how it’s important to have shared experiences with your significant other, and more specifically your spouse.

Even though you’re married and you experience difficult and stressful situations doesn’t mean that you both see it in the same light. And the other won’t know how you’re doing if you haven’t discussed how you’re feeling. Your spouse can’t care for you if they don’t know how a situation is hurting you. None of us can read minds. None of us will ever really know someone well enough to know exactly how they feel, we might have an idea but they could surprise you. People grow, and change every day and until you develop the ability to read someone’s thoughts and body language perfectly… It’d probably be in your best interest to ask them.. Because we all know that assumptions only make you look like an a-hole. Ha regardless of your intention and then you’ll have to apologize for being an a-hole when that’s exactly what you were trying to avoid.

Point is: Communication is important. No one knows how you feel, and sometimes you don’t even know. But when you do, I’d suggest you make an effort to convey that to someone, the right someone involved in the situation. And if they care, which most people do, they’ll listen and make an effort to understand what you’re trying to say.

People who care communicate. 😉

We covered so much in class this past week and I don’t have the heart.. and mostly the time to shove all of it into one post.. So I won’t!

The last two topics we covered last week were coping and “When is it ever okay to quit a relationship? When is it appropriate to disengage?” And I’ll get to them! But… I’ve got other homework to attend to, sorry not sorry.

Until next time!

Hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss, little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss.

All Cultures are Equally Valid, Right?

How do you answer such a question?

What is the best way to define valid?
In the dictionary it is defined as 1.) sound, well founded 2.) producing desired results 3.) authority

Well what is the purpose of family?
> Bring children into the world
> Teach Gospel Truths

And what defines culture?
I don’t think that color, race, or ethnicity particularly define someone’s culture. Sure, they play a part.. But someone who is white might say they live the life of a black man. Or a black man may say that he is a white man in a black man’s body… Totally controversial I know, I know.. But I hope you’re picking up what I’m putting down.

All cultures are different and therefore are of a different value to everyone. Of course we are all going to think a culture we aren’t familiar with to be a lil’ different from our own. Would we think it were wrong?

… I think when it comes to declaring whether a culture is right or wrong would say a few things about the culture you were raised in and much more about your character. An example would be in some cultures it is okay to practice forms of polygamy whereas here in the United States see it as a form of oppression. I don’t know if we have the right to proclaim one set of values to be better than another. I think if we start to intrude on other cultures we must do so with care. It would be hard to pass judgment on a culture that we don’t have a perfect understanding of, does that make sense? Honestly this makes me think of war. Which may be very extreme but when we, and by “we” I mean as a nation, intrude on certain conflicts outside of the States it may not always be the best decision. As we pass judgments onto others for how they were raised, who are we? We are just outsiders that think we are civilized. What defines “civilized”? I don’t think that I could give a definite yes or no for this question. What I value may be much different than what someone else may value; and who am I to tell them that they’re wrong because they were raised differently?

I think when it comes to these really controversial topics no one wants to sound ignorant, at least I don’t. I would never want to come across as uneducated, closed minded, or offensive.

But I that after reading Elder Oaks’ talk “The Gospel Culture” and attending class I think there I could change my answer. There are some aspects of different cultures that are better than others. An example Elder Oaks used was modesty. He said that Modesty was among the strengths of African culture. In comparison with how Americans tend dress which is not as modest. He also mentioned a negative cultural tradition in some parts of Africa where some African husbands believe it is the wife and children’s jobs to serve them. I think that these are perfect examples of good and bad cultural traditions because they are supported by the Gospel as to why they are good and why they are wrong. The culture of the Gospel promotes unity in the home where the mother and the father are equal. The Gospel also encourages the importance of modesty. Elder Oaks said that the culture of the Gospel comes from the Plan of Salvation, the commandments of God, as well as the teachings of the living prophets. By giving up our personal and family traditions that are contrary to the Gospel culture will strengthen us.

My professor said in class this past week that we have the responsibility to draft the best practices of different cultures to create our own. Which I think is fair to say… that way we are able to provide the best family experience, right? Now what would define a cultural practice as a good one? Well I think that if it’s what Elder Oaks said, not contrary to the Gospel culture.

I’m still developing my own conclusions about this whole thing, leave a comment with your thoughts!!