Can You Say Indecisive?

Aren’t Fridays supposed to be the best days of the week?

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.

And something you should probably know about me is that when I’m unmotivated I’m literally the most useless person on the planet. I haven’t been motivated in  awhile and I couldn’t tell you why.

I also have developed some of the worst eating habits on the planet and feel like I am on my way to becoming the next heaviest woman in the world with her own t.v. show on TLC

Another thing.. I’m more than likely to be fired from the world’s easiest job.. as TA for an old course I took a few semesters ago. And how? You might ask… Well I haven’t been grading.. why? You wonder… Well because I’m unmotivated.. So my poor professor must be really disappointed because I really wanted this job at the beginning but somewhere in the last few weeks I’ve lost my fire.

Oh and I remember how I don’t commit? Well I find myself half committed to a boy that probably knows it I just haven’t mentioned, “Oh hey I’m committed to you…” This boy is also quite a few states away haha and we don’t talk about our feelings and I’m starting to see why this is not the best scenario.  How did I fall so in like with someone knowing we wouldn’t go anywhere?

So… I’m fat, about to be unemployed, and half head over heels for a boy that lives in another world.

And that stupid app “Tinder” is literally what I’m on everyday.. because I’m thirsty

Which also I went to Utah last weekend and went on a date with a guy I thought perhaps there could be some potential… Long story short I was disappointed and it most certainly didn’t go anywhere

Does that make me a jerk for saying that? I wasn’t planning on falling in love with him on our first date but I was hoping perhaps I would fall out of love with the boy from home.

Why are all my blogs about being fat, having no money, and boys?

Oh that’s right… I’m a sophomore in college who can’t keep off the freshmen 15, who hates being a TA, and I’m single in my 20’s


Another thing.. My sister had a significant event occur in her life and didn’t tell me about it! I’m so… disappointed.. Shouldn’t I be among the first to know?? And she won’t answer my phone calls.. I’m not crazy I just wanna be apart of her life even though I’m 12 hours away!

Oh and this semester isn’t even half way over and I’m already thinking about a break…

Why haven’t I got a plan? Why don’t I ever know what it is I’m doing??

I’ll tell you what I don’t want to do… I don’t want to go home to Colorado. Why? Because there’s nothing there… and I suppose by nothing I mean in regards to friends ha there are just bridges that I don’t care to rebuild just for 3 months.. and I would say that going home to be with my family would be a treat but that’d be a bad joke.. Don’t get me wrong I love my family a lot! But… they even said not to go home!

I could stay in Rexburg if I got my act together and found a job and actually worked.

I could go to California and live with my grandparents… Thing is I don’t have a car, yet and there’s no guarantee that I would find work there.. and well honestly I’ve had two cousins that have tried to live with them and well they didn’t respect my grandparents and just broke their hearts.. Not saying I’d do that but there’s a lot of pressure to be their perfect granddaughter which might mean coming home every night at 9:30 and I dunno if I could do that haha

I could move to SLC, Utah and be broke beyond my wildest dreams… &work at the City Creek Mall if I’m lucky or work the corner whatever.. jk about the corner thing..

Or I could pay to volunteer at a different country… Like India! Or something..

Or I could buy myself a one way ticket to Hawaii and never return…

Or I could go home… and rot away on the couch like last winter…

Or I could just die. Just Kidding, no dying.. but seriously shouldn’t I have a plan?

I just want these things to be like magic, magically be able to afford to do something crazy fun… That’s all. No responsibility, no  bills, no carbs, no pants, no cold weather!, free parking, free drinks, free housing, free… everything.

I just want to be an adult without any responsibilities, without disappointments, and no heart aches

Like I said earlier… I’ve lost my fire dunno where it went.. probably down the crapper with my dignity, and job…

If you have an idea that I should consider…  share it with me.. I’d appreciate it, unless it sucks..



One comment

  1. I recommend turning to Christ.
    Also read this for some inspiration
    “It is better to look up” -elder Carl b cook Oct 2011 conf
    … And take some time to forget yourself and go to the temple.

    I promise it’ll do wonders. (:

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