I hope this week has been as fun for you as it has been for me! After finals I spent a good amount of time in the sun! And in three days it’ll be my birthday! I’ll be turning 20! Big. Deal. Haha I don’t know why I feel like 20 will be any different than 19 but I totes do.
But before I check out for the summa’ time there was a final topic left that we talked about in my class…
I’ve never been divorced. I’ve never been married. I have only known people that have gotten divorced. My friends and family that I have known that have gotten divorced have had different reasons. I have always thought that infidelity would be one of the leading causes of divorce, but turns out that it’s not the primary reason for it. In actuality most couples try and work through it.
There are other reasons like discontent, or they just grow apart.
Something that we have that allows for easier access to divorce is No Fault divorce where one partner can just leave the other. It leaves one with all the power to leave the other.
What’s interesting is that studies show that after 2 years a divorce 70% of Americans say that they should have saved the marriage.
Another thing is that 60% of American women initiate the divorce.
Something my professor mentioned during our class discussion was that distressed couples have the same amount of incompatibilities as happy, functioning couple the only difference is how the couple handles and thinks about obstacles that they face.
Speaking of perspective … intimacy is not being the same it is taking in and appreciating the other’s differences.
A tool that my professor suggested was emotional focus therapy (E.F.T):
Which is how the couple can be joined together through their primary feelings
There’s this negative interaction cycle where what we see or hear effects what we think, feel, and do which then effects the other’s way of thinking, feeling, as well as their actions. It’s a little complex but that’s the simplest way to explain it.
For example: If you think someone is mad at you then you think their tone, their actions are different from their norm because they are upset with you.
Some people think that they can’t break the cycle but you can. It just has to be a positive change. Address the issues, work to solve it. Notice and think positive things instead of complain and withdraw.
I’m sure marriage is a hard thing at times. I’m sure it’s stressful, I think it’s important to keep it sweet. I mean you should still sweet talk me every now and again even after we’ve been together for awhile.
Here I liked this post… I think he makes some good points.
Okay, so the semester is over. This class has been pretty fun for me. I’ve had a good time learning about all this kinda stuff. I know that I’m skeptical about alotta things.. I know that I’m hesitant about relationships. But with this class I feel like I’ve learned about tools that I can use to make all of my friendships, family relationships better. And when I’m ready I can use them to better a relationship.
I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of all my fears but when I meet the right person I think perhaps I could. Have me free fallin’ and maybe if it’s meant to be ha, he’ll catch me.
Maybe have some summa’ love. 😉