In this life there will be things we will fight about, fight against, and fight for. Sometimes you’re just gonna get your ass handed to you, not all the time, but life’s a witch and she ain’t afraid to cut you.
My current guilty pleasure is watching Grey’s Anatomy, enough drama to last a life time really. And in season 4, Richard tells Izzy:
“Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You’re in a lion fight. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar.”
We’re all fighters.
But what brings us to the ring will be different from others, our tactics will be different, and how we walk away will be different.
This past week in class, I dare you to guess what we discussed.. If you thought wedding cakes and flowers you’d be wrong because we actually talked about stressors, fighting, and coping.
We’ve all been stressed. Some of us can be easily stressed-out. And I feel like most of us hate to admit how easily stressed we can become. I mean I get stressed just thinking about how I haven’t done my laundry for a month-n-half and only have 2 pairs of panties left.
But in class we didn’t talk about my depleting panty supply… we talked about family stress and relationship stress. So what is stress?
Stress: Anything that causes the family unit to change or anything that affects the natural homeostasis
So lets consider a more serious stressful situation, and I suppose I’ll use one from my personal life… While I was in high school my dad got deployed to Iraq for six months. And it was such a difficult thing for my family. I don’t think my family could have been prepared for something like that…
Think of water displacement, a 10 oz glass of water 3/4 of the way full of water and someone drops a golf ball into the glass. Water everywhere! And then because you’ve never experienced split water you smash the glass with a hammer and you just.. make everything worse.
I feel like that’s kinda how things went when my dad got deployed. He was there for Christmas and gone the next day. And then mom went to work and picked up a few classes at a local JC, and I felt prompted to assume a position. The position of an adult, not that I entirely knew what that meant. Dad came home just when I was starting to get the hang of being an “adult”. He came home and it was time be a kid, but there I was not ready to give up the imaginary title I had given myself. So I didn’t. I continued to make decisions that I thought I was old enough to make, and old enough to handle.
Bless the sweet hearts of my parents for loving me enough to help me through the never ending consequences of my choices. Have I mentioned that I have some of the world’s most supportive, most kind, loving, and understanding parents? Well, I do.
Anyways lets talk about fighting.. and while we’re at it we’ll talk more about me.. Gosh with all this talk about myself soon enough you’ll all be in love with me and I won’t know what to do with all the fan mail (that I won’t receive)
When we feel like we’re in danger, when we perceive that there is potential to become hurt whether it’s physical or emotional there are only 3 ways that we respond. And once I list them I’m sure you’ll think, “Oh, that’s totes me”
Fighting can be hard, and honestly I think that after you’ve come to know someone you learn how to fight them without hurting them. Personally I know that when I fight with the people closet to me I am the most cautious. I don’t want to fight with the people closet to me, but that’s just unrealistic. So more importantly I don’t want to hurt them while we’re fighting. You never mean what you say when you’re heated and if you do then you don’t mean it in the horrendous tone you say it in, when you’re upset.
Leaving the situation. Running. Far. Away. As quickly as you can. & Sometimes that’s not a bad thing, to just walk away. As long as you return.Did you know that …Men experience a flooding of emotions and when they do they become overwhelmed and withdraw.
But I suppose I won’t pretend to be a woman that understands the male species, I’d hate to make that mistake.
Some of the hardest times were when someone hurt me and instead of staying to rebuild the bridge they just set it on fire while I was standing there crying. Ha, and they never returned. Not that I would lie and say I’ve never been the one to burn a bridge, but what I’m saying is that I know how much it hurts. And I try really hard to refrain from burning bridges carelessly. As I’ve gotten older I’ve slowly gotten better at letting people into my life and keeping them.
Stop, stare, and think a little. Maybe all will be made clear.
Personally I think that all these responses have a time and a place. Some situations will call for different reactions.
The hard part though is knowing what is the best reaction. When we are distressed we become incapable of focusing on other things besides the perceived danger.
- That’s why we act out in aggression
- That’s why we say things we don’t mean
I know that some things are more difficult than others… and sometimes people go into a stressor, stressful situation, and come out worse off rather than better. But I think that our difficult trials are to refine us, sanctify us, to become better, whatever it is that you believe to be better, I personally want to become more like Christ. Lesbihonest ‘doe I am truly far from perfect, and I will gladly put my flaws on my sleeve. Because whatever can make me better I want it, and have no desire to hide from it. I’m not saying I’m not afraid but I’m saying that God doesn’t bare us trials that we cannot overcome through Him.
There was this dude that came up with this roller coaster diagram and basically he said that sometimes, usually, stressful events come in multiples. WHICH totally makes sense… For example: I had this boyfriend and he got kicked out, had his phone plan terminated, and I dumped him all within the same week. See that? Stressors come in threes!!
But you know how all things are made in China? Well the dude who came up with the roller coaster theory wasn’t Chinese BUT in Chinese the symbol “Crisis” is created by the symbols “Danger & Opportunity” Now I’m proud to be American, and even more proud to be Mexi-Pino Americano. But the Chinese.. they must be proud! I mean crisis: literally to them means dangerous opportunity. And as Americans how can we not be down with that??
Crisis: Provides opportunities for personal and family growth. They only leave room to adjust.
If we develop a positive outlook, a healthy and larger picture of reality think of how much we will be able to grow?
Speaking of which this guy named Hill came up with this equation:
Both Resources &Responses (extended fam.,counseling) = Total Experience
Cognition (how the crisis is perceived) Model
Cognition’s of Compassion: Is the best way to handle difficult and stressful situations within the family
- Understanding where the other is coming from.
- Loving cognition
- Loving thoughts for the other people involved
- Thinking of how we can serve those involved we will be able to think more positively of them (I’ve been told that the best way to get a man to fall in love with you is to have him serve you… I dunno if that’s true.. but if someone can verify that, that would be great! 😉 )
- It’s important to remember that you still have control in an unpredictable situation. You can decide your attitude about the situation. You can be angry, you can hate everyone, you can isolate yourself, you can run away, but if the event can follow you it will. And if the event itself can’t then its consequences surely will.
BUT you have an active role in any crisis, become an active participant of life! Bench warming was never a good look for anyone.
Stimulus+Physiological response+ Cognitive Interpretation(You) = Emotion (You)
We’re not meant to be stagnate, never were. We are meant to develop, to become better, smarter, gentler, and bolder.
I’ll have to tell you all about resolving conflicts later, it’s kinda late and this entry is gettin’ pretty long.