Sex, Benefits, and Affairs

“Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.”

Oh Pretty Ricky, he really knew how to speak to a woman’s heart 😉

I’m a very sexual person, in the sense that I am extremely comfortable with myself and my sexuality. And I’m sure everyone would love to hear my thoughts about that but… that isn’t what we discussed in class this week!

Instead we talked about sexual intimacy within marriage.

So…

There’s this saying.. We’re all different; which makes us the same.

But we’re going to focus on the we’re all different part.. because when it comes to body parts of boys and girls well they’re different and they do different things.. yadda yadda birds and the bees

Some other differences we talked about though was the difference in men and women’s excitement levels, the time when men and women plateau, orgasm/climax, and the differences in their refractory period.

My professor says that, “Good sex is like a pleasant sneeze.” In all honesty that is such a silly analogy, not saying it was the worst comparison I’ve ever heard but maybe I’d say it was in the top 3 and I don’t think I would be able to name two others… Not exactly my professor’s best

But he did talk about this cycle… and basically it goes like this: when a woman feels safe, close, and emotionally connected to a man she’ll contemplate becoming sexual with him. And when men have sex they tend to feel closer, more safe, and emotionally connected to the woman. Okay, okay this may not be the case with every woman, or every man but it should be this way. It’ll provide for a better foundation for a relationship. And well we want those because a better foundation = happier, longer, lasting relationships.

Fun Fact: men’s libidos peak at 18 & women’s libidos peak at 30
Now there’s something I actually didn’t know…

Anyways back to relationships –

Challenges that occur because of the cycle, & well if any of you have been in a relationship you’d know, but I’ll list some challenges.. Just for those of us who haven’t

  • Selfishness
    I.E. think “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon
  • Manipulation
    I.E. think “I’m Sprung” by T-Pain
  • Lack of Communication
    I.E. think “Your body” by Christina Aguilera

If you can’t sing any of these songs to yourself, you don’t deserve to be in a relationship. Just kidding..

Benefits!!!! I know you were all hoping that there’d be some benefits to having sex.. Lemme tell yuh there are! You can:

  • Develop self-control
    I’m not saying you can’t… “Lose Control” not like Missy but more like Keri (;
  • “All” yo’ needs are met!
  • If it stinks at first – there are benefits to struggling together!
    &&& If you find you can’t be satisfied consult … Anthony Green
  • It creates a greater sense of trust.

Now with every relationship there is potential to get hurt. Duh. I mean when you begin to get to know someone you become vulnerable and as your relationship progresses you begin to share parts of you with your significant other. Slowly becoming one, if you know what I mean. And of course we all know, mostly from experience, that those closest to us are the most capable of hurting us.

Let’s not get too personal here – I mean we just met 😉

But I used to jump into relationships pretty quick, if there was an available douchey-guy we dated. It’d only lasted two-weeks (never much longer) and well when you don’t have much time you kinda just smush as much as you can into what little time you have. Needless to say I’ve been burned by my own fires I’ve set, and I try to find the happy medium with these things.. Most things actually.. And if there’s a topic that gets me passionate or a boy that can set me ablaze haha well I make sure to put all I have into it; just not as quickly. Don’t want the fire to go out as quickly as it started you know?

A N Y W A Y S not important. Back to what we talked about in class…

A f f a i r s: It Only Takes One to End Everything

Now this for me.. is just.. such a sad thing. Love is meant to last for-a forever right? For eternity, really. I mean that’s what we would all like, well at least as a little girl that’s what we dream of – a man that will love us forever. As of right now for me.. I think I’d be alright if I didn’t find a man to love me too soon. Bless the heart of the man I trick into marrying me.. and Heavens someone stop us if I’m not even 23 yet.

Affairs happen way to often in society and I feel like if some real “classy” ladies went to lunch they would talk about all the scandalous acts they commit and then if one lady admits to committing adultery then all her little friends would *G A S P*  pat her on the back, ask her why, and she’d sob and tell her story, and they would just console her, order an extra round of drinks, and tell her everything would be okay because her hubby who’s too busy and never home will never know of her mistake. Which she wouldn’t really think was a mistake and continue with the affair. (Did you know that women are more likely to commit adultery?)

I watch too many soaps, but really though – think about it.. it probably wouldn’t happen like that everywhere but some version of it is happening somewhere.

And in class affairs start out, very much like a soap. You don’t just jump from meeting someone to doin’ them in the office in secret. Affairs start sooner like confiding in someone other than your partner/spouse… that does injustice to your spouse in a way. Blah blah blah , hate it. All of it. It’s always bad for all parties. Except the dirty mistress unless she falls in love with the married man who won’t leave his wife, or gets pregnant… okay, too many soaps.. it’s never good for any of the parties. I know from some experience.

Stuff like this.. Hurts your soul. It is really harmful. How can your spirit soar like its meant to, if it feels like your wings have been clipped? I know everyone has felt that way because of something they’ve experienced… and why would you clip the wings of someone you’re supposed to be in love with?

I hate to judge so I won’t.

I’ll just suggest “affair-proofing” your relationships/marriage since you’ll be married one day, hopefully.

  1. Be fiercely loyal
  2. Never be alone with the opposite gender
    > I get that, that may seem like an out-laddish request but I mean if you don’t have to, and it can be avoided then avoid it.
    > Set clear boundaries with your man or woman
  3. Spend every night with your significant other if you can, and if you can’t then bring them with you! And well if you can’t do that then talk on the phone all night long, teehee just kiddin’
  4. Control your thoughts about other men or women you come in contact with, if they aren’t your sig. other or spouse you definitely should not be thinking about taking their clothes off! A beautiful woman can be appreciated and a handsome fellow can be gazed upon but keep those thoughts under clean.

Relationships are hard, it’s of a divine nature that we become capable of accommodating another person’s needs. But love should be easy. Loving that person should be so easy that you become capable of accommodating them because of how much you love them.

I know I don’t want to get married or anything, and I haven’t lived a long life but I’d be offended if someone suggested that I haven’t really lived.

I’ve lived a’lil bit. And when I get married I plan to do it once and hope that it lasts. I’ll tell you my plan…

When I get married I plan to give every part of myself to my spouse and hope it works.

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