Man isn’t meant to be alone.
Guess what we talked about in class for the last week?
M A R R I A G E, and how we get there.
There are some simple factors that contribute to this serious life decision, and we probably all know what they are. We just call them by different names and some factors are more important to others. Of course that’s all person specific.
The two we covered in depth were: propinquity and physical attraction.
Propinquity: Is how close you are to that person. Not emotionally but in a “how far away are they” in a way. A woman living in New Jersey isn’t necessarily going to want to associate herself romantically via internet with a man in Russia. I mean she could – but how well do you see that working out?
Physical Attraction: Let’s be serious.. Anyone who says looks don’t matter are silly. Why? Because it is the initial starting point. How likely are you to approach someone that ranks a low 2 on a scale of one to ten in hopes to become romantically involved without knowing them? NOT LIKELY. And I wouldn’t be the first to say so or the last. Does that make me shallow? Nope. No, it doesn’t. Haha
I mean I’m not saying there’s no chance I would get caught dating a ..not-so-attractive male.. I just wouldn’t walk up to him with the intent of “getting it on.”
Haha … I’m getting off topic.. This is all circumstantial and I don’t have to defend my opinion because this is my blog! ha
Anyways we talked about hanging out and getting to know someone:
Hanging Out: I’m always down to “hang-out” granted it isn’t the best way to jump start any type of relationship… That’s usually postponed and by hanging out you become familiar with an individual in a certain scenario. Friends hangout. If you want more – you have to do more.
And more isn’t limited to any particular meaning.
Dating: “Date ’em ’til you hate ’em” is not exactly the best way to proceed with something that should start out quite casual. Why hold on to something longer than you want to only leave damaged, bitter, and not much smarter?
That may sound biast, and hell it very may well be but I mean we’ve got a long time to live. So why bother holding onto something you don’t really want for much longer than you want?
I get that we all wanna be loved, we need it. Crave it. Search our whole lives for it! But Heaven help the poor woman that slides through all the steps so she doesn’t have to be alone just to end up half dead and unhappy ten years later?
Marriage is hard. And will only be worth the trouble if it’s with someone you won’t want to leave in four years.
Courtship: Is all about persuasion, trail and error. If you’re unsure now, then you’ll feel like you made a mistake later. And I know we’ve got the time to make mistakes but if you marry the wrong person… there’s a lot of time you’ll spend trying to maintain, fix, and keep it together. And even more time tryin’ to recover.
Do I sound bitter? Maybe I am. But I think I’m a little more afraid. Think of the commitment! I don’t want to make that commitment to anyone right now and wouldn’t want to without being certain that I would stick around for eternity.
Remember John Van Epp?? I mentioned him before, well we like him. He’s a smart guy. He develop the R.A.M theory, definitely something many rational people would agree with. It’s essentially a scale. And if you’re doin’ it wrong you’ll end up pretty heart broken in the end. Ha, sounds awful but it’s true. Love isn’t meant to be easy! Trial and error, ladies and gentlemen, trial and error.
I won’t go into depth about the scale but pretty much we should know someone more than you trust them, rely on them less than you trust them, commit to them less than that, and touch them less than all of the above. Google the scale – it’ll make sense!
The people that know the most about us are more capable of hurting us the most.
But let’s thank Van Epp because he also came up with this fancy thing called the: “Know-Quo: How Well You Know Someone”
1.) Talk: Mutual Self-Disclosure
Now, now, it has to be M U T U A L… I mean if I woman tells a man all about her life, all the time and he is such a good listener, she’s gonna feel really close to him and think he knows her – that they know each other! But how well does she really know him? Not very much, considering how she does all the talking. It’s a common mistake women make.
2.) Time: Research suggests that it takes a minimum of 3 months to BEGIN to know someone. And research also suggests that couples that date 1-2 years before they marry last longer. It also says that couples that cohabitant before marriage are 10x more likely to end in divorce, yes baby I said 10x
3.) Togetherness: You’ve gotta engage in a wide range of activities together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh just because you guys talk all day, all night, everyday and every night does not make you the best couple on the planet. If all you do is the same activity together, you just see how good he or she is at whatever it is you two are doing. Whether that’s communicating, drinking, shopping, watching movies, or having sex… It wouldn’t be enough… I mean if all you do is talk.. well how will you know what they’re like when they do something out of their comfort zone? Think about it babe, because if you see a side you haven’t seen before after you’re married and then decide its a facet you hate – how quickly do you think you’ll learn to love it? Probably not fast enough 😉
Engagement: I’ve heard it’s hard. I also heard that if it wasn’t then you’re doing it wrong. Ha I think a long courtship and a short engagement is the way to go about things and I know many would agree with me. Another thing I think is that… if you have doubts at this point.. you best pause and think before you do the deed – the legal deed but then change your mind and have to legally undo what you just did.
It may take a lifetime to build up to a marriage but only a moment to end it.
So how do we find love? How do we know?
“When you know… you just know” Well thanks for your help, not. If we’ve never felt in love before how would we be able to recognize it when we feel it?
Luckily I’ve felt in love before.But unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to describe it. It’s a mystical feeling really, and sometimes it doesn’t last. But all I can say is… When you know… you just know.
That’s all I’ve gotta say ’bout that toots.
Toodles, until next time.